Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
