you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
