i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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