my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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