does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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