I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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