I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
