is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I looked at my own cervix.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
