i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night