Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".