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That's intense
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
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