Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny