Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
