I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
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Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
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Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"