Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...