Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them