Texts From Last Night

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.

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  (785): Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here. http://tfl.nu/9zh4
  Replies (26) Good night (3762) Bad night (834)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it

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  (816): Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it http://tfl.nu/hlut
  Replies (65) Good night (5316) Bad night (2037)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?

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  (740): I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign? http://tfl.nu/ahav
  Replies (8) Good night (3797) Bad night (994)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.

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  (978): i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous. (603): it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup. http://tfl.nu/1y0h
  Replies (5) Good night (1838) Bad night (1155)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off

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  (603): she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off http://tfl.nu/ws61
  Replies (7) Good night (5247) Bad night (967)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  how bad is she

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  captain morgan with tits

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  (484): how bad is she (215): captain morgan with tits http://tfl.nu/5qnj
  Replies (7) Good night (1046) Bad night (2066)
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  (213): View more from California

  Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??

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  (213): Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast?? http://tfl.nu/wkuh
  Replies (25) Good night (3742) Bad night (1273)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous

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  (781): The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous http://tfl.nu/9eck
  Replies (3) Good night (561) Bad night (773)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink

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  (717): Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink http://tfl.nu/xefq
  Replies (4) Good night (573) Bad night (641)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.

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  (757): You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part. http://tfl.nu/w83y
  Replies (4) Good night (822) Bad night (418)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this

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  (319): Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this http://tfl.nu/dy6c
  Replies (4) Good night (446) Bad night (754)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.

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  (847): Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing. http://tfl.nu/r89c
  Replies (0) Good night (765) Bad night (336)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.

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  (419): Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry. http://tfl.nu/v3mc
  Replies (1) Good night (825) Bad night (345)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.

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  (+44): You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits. http://tfl.nu/p5t9
  Replies (0) Good night (867) Bad night (215)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching

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  (406): You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching http://tfl.nu/fd62
  Replies (1) Good night (455) Bad night (220)

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