The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
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I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?