Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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