life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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