YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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