dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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