what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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