I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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