meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
