why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
