My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
