I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
