the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
