Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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