He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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