if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We named our party play list daddy issues
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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