good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize