He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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