You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
