Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
