This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
