how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
