Only a mothe r could love this liver
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
