he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
