i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
