i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
