apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
