get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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