did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
