Do you still have your period?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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