he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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