Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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