My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
