That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
