Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
