All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
