things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
