apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
