She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
