Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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