I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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