the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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