just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
