Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
