I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
