the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
