I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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