I think I won the penis lottery.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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