I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
