1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
