soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
