And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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