The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize