If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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