I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
