Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
