i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
then he tried to convert me to islam
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
