I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
