It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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