This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
